"I have always had a longing for the mountain....it was then that I was most happy." -- Psyche, the god-bride, in Till We Have Faces
"All joy (as distinct from mere pleasure, still more amusement) emphasizes our pilgrim status: always reminds, beckons, awakes desire. Our best havings are wantings." -- C. S. Lewis, in a letter dated Nov. 5 1954
I've been told that there's joy to be found in contentment, but then I start wondering how does one find contentment to begin with? And I've realized, for me at least, the whole idea is backwards. Yes, it's good and right to practice gratitude for the things one receives, but it's also (dare I say
more?) important to be thankful for the things that are withheld.
Everything I have is from God's hand. But I have to remember that the things I don't have are kept in His other hand, away from me. He decides both things.
But what if the thing I desire is inherently good? That I hope for some particular blessing? Being assured that all things are from Him, I'm bold to desire good things and happy to wait for the answer of
yes or
no. This is to say, that I am happiest when I recognize in myself a good and wholesome desire for a good thing -- that fact alone is great joy, perhaps even greater than if I was given the actual desire. In being joyful I find contentment.
All of this is to say that I love the second quote, that real joy is often experienced in realizing that "our best havings are wantings." And I think I see, for the first time, that the reverse is true for contentment: that
our best wantings are havings. Or, again, as Lewis says elsewhere, that it is "thoughtful wishing" instead of empty "wishful thinking."